“Abuse” is a word that is thrown around a lot in casual conversion; but what defines abuse? How does one know if they are committing abuse or if they are being abused? The abuse definition is actually quite simple. According to the Gale Encyclopaedia of Medicine, the definition of abuse is the following:
"Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person."
In short, someone who purposefully harms another in any way is committing abuse. There are many kinds of abuse encountered by adults, including:
- Physical abuse
- Psychological abuse
- Rape
- Sexual assault
- Verbal abuse
- Elder abuse
- Financial abuse
- Spiritual abuse
- Emotional abuse
If you think a friend is being abused or is at risk of harm, there is a lot you can do to help them. You should encourage them to talk about it, either to you or to a trained counsellor, and if possible, report the abuse.
If you are being abused emotionally, physically or sexually, it is important to tell someone. There is no shame in asking for help.
If You Are Being Abused. . .
First and foremost, know that you are not alone and that the abuse is not your fault.
If you are experiencing abuse, harassment, or harm from your partner, or think that you might be, help is available.
Support
If you are experiencing domestic violence, it is important to get connected with an advocate who can provide support, referrals, and provide you with available services. Abusive partners are usually very good at isolating their partner from family and friends. As a result, victims may feel ashamed and alone and believe that no one would understand. Many survivors have described feeling as if they didn’t know who they were anymore. This makes it even more difficult to survive the abuse, to sort through feelings, and to make decisions that will be best for you and your children.
Local domestic violence programs offer a variety services to provide support to survivors of domestic violence. Check your local program, as services vary and may include emergency shelter, transitional housing, legal advocacy, childcare, counseling, support groups, and more. Support groups offer a safe place to talk about your feelings and experiences in an atmosphere free of judgment. It’s also an opportunity to meet and talk with other people who have had similar experiences.
Planning for Safety
If you think you might be experiencing abuse, harassment, or harm, it is important to make a plan to keep yourself and your children as safe as possible. Here are some things to consider:
If you are currently experiencing domestic violence:
- Plan how you could get out of the house quickly if your partner becomes violent. Try to position yourself near a door where you can escape quickly.
- Put together a suitcase and keep it at somewhere safe, easily accessible, and hidden from your partner. Pack it with clothes for you and your children, medication refills and information, important papers, car keys, photographs, money, and emergency phone numbers. Add anything else you might need if you have to leave suddenly.
- Have the phone numbers for local shelters and resources saved in a secure place so that you can access them quickly.
- Tell neighbors about the abuse and ask them to take action if they hear noises coming from your home, such as calling your house, stopping by, or calling a trusted third party, which could be a friend, family member, or, if it is safe to do so, the police.
- Talk to people who is with you about how they can keep themselves safe as well.
- Identify things that have worked in the past to keep you safe.
- Think about what has happened in the past and how the abuser has acted. Identify clues that indicate when the abuser might become violent (e.g., behavioral: body language, drug/alcohol use, etc.; and event driven: paydays, holidays, etc.).
- Identify what you will do if the violence starts again. Is it safe to call the police? Is there a phone in the house? Can you work out a signal with the children or neighbors to get help?
- Explore ways to have dangerous weapons (e.g., guns, hunting knives, etc.) removed from the house.
- Plan an escape route and practice it. Know where you can go and who you can call for help. Keep a list of addresses and phone numbers where you can go in crisis and keep them in a safe place.
- If possible, open a bank account or hide money to establish or increase independence.
- Gather the following items (for yourself and your children) and hide them with a trusted individual or somewhere accessible outside the home:
Money/cab fare
Check book
Credit card/ATM card
Order of Protection
Passport
Immigration documents
Work permit
Public Assistance ID
Driver’s license and registration
Social Security card
Important telephone numbers
Mobile phone and charge
Address book
Record of violence
Documents
- Change the locks on doors and windows (if the abuser has a key or access to a key).
- Make it easier for someone to locate your house by having a large visible street address outside the house.
- Obtain a P.O. Box and forward all your mail to it.
- Ensure that utility companies will not give out your information to your abuser.
- Determine the safest way to communicate with the abuser if they must have contact. If you agree to meet, always do it in a public place (this may be a place with a security guard or police officer), and it’s best to bring someone else. Make sure you are not followed home. If your partner follows you in the car, drive to a hospital or fire station and keep honking the horn.
- Create a safety plan for leaving work. Talk with your supervisor and building security at work and provide a picture of the abuser, if possible. If you have an Order of Protection, give the security guard or receptionist a copy.
- Teach your children a safety plan, including calling family, friends, or neighbors if they are taken, and where to go during an emergency. If it is safe, teach your children to call 911. Otherwise, have the phone numbers of trusted individuals saved on a cell phone or in a safe place and teach children how to call them.
- Talk to your children’s schools and childcare provider about who has permission to pick up the children and develop other special provisions to protect the children.
- Keep a journal of harassing calls, texts or social media posts and times you may see your abuser around the work place or neighborhood. Save and/or print any threatening emails. Keep a journal of anything that happens between you, the abuser, and the children regarding visitation.
Here are some Departments who can help you, if you need someone to talk to, connect to them: 911 - Philippines emergency hotline
NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS HOTLINE
- 1553 - Luzon-wide Landline Toll-free
- 0966-351-4518 | 0917-899-8727 - GLOBE / TM Subscribers
- 0908-639-2672 - SMART / SUN / TNT Subsribers
- Facebook - ncmcrisishotline
- Hotlines: 02-894-COVID (02-894-26843) and 1555
- SMS Send "TXT PNP to 2920"
- Facebook: Philippine National Police
- Hotlines: 177
- Child Helpline: 0968-7311032
- (+632) 8353-0667 / (+632) 8524-1512 / 8554-8400 loc. 2545
- pgh.cpu@gmail.com
- (+632) 8404-3954 / 8525-5555 loc. 7008; (+632) 8404-3955
- Globe: 0915-7807884
- Smart: 0968-2957977
- cpn@childprotectionnetwork.org
- (632) 931-8101 to 07
- inquiry@dswd.gov.ph
- https://www.dswd.gov.ph
- Hotlines: (02) 8929-9436 local 106, 107 or 159 (local “0” for operator); (63) 939 – 3233665
- Email address: pao_executive@yahoo.com
NDRRMC Hotline: National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council
- Telephone hotlines: (02) 911-1406, (02) 912-2665, (02) 912-5668, (02) 911-1873
- Facebook Page: NDRRMC
- BFP NCR Hotline (02) 729-5166 9
- BFP Information Desk (02) 410-631
- MMDA Road Emergency Group 882-3993; 882-4151; 882-4152; 882-4153 to 77
- MMDA Metrobase Hotline 136
- MMDA towing hotline - 136
- MMDA Flood Control - 882-4177
- Road Safety Hotline - 319
- Public Safety Hotline - 374
- Road Emergency Hotline - 320
- Facebook: MMDA
- Land Transportation Office Text Hotline Text LTOHELP to 2600
- DOTr Public Assistance Center - 7890
- LTFRB Hotline - 1342
- Hotlines 143; (02) 527-0000; (02) 527-8385 to 95
- Twitter @philredcross
